Is this what happiness feels like? I don't know. I genuinely don't. It feels like forever since I've been really happy, properly and contentedly and sustainably. Every fear I have right now is only fear of potential loss: of losing the things I have, rather than fear of anything continued. There's so much to gain! I know what I want. I know how I can get to what I need. I'm sustaining myself (a little bit clumsily, but -)!
It'd be a mediocre existence, here as much as anything, if only I weren't predisposed to be happy here by default. The fucking traffic is murder and the cyclists are crazy like crows.
But I'm happy. If I can keep everything the way it is until I have to go, if I leave on time, if everything falls into place and I'm set to go where I should be.
Things worked out after all. I'm happy. How strange.
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Is this what happiness feels like? I don't know. I genuinely don't. It feels like forever since I've been really happy, properly and contentedly and sustainably. Every fear I have right now is only fear of potential loss: of losing the things I have, rather than fear of anything continued. There's so much to gain! I know what I want. I know how I can get to what I need. I'm sustaining myself (a little bit clumsily, but -)!
It'd be a mediocre existence, here as much as anything, if only I weren't predisposed to be happy here by default. The fucking traffic is murder and the cyclists are crazy like crows.
But I'm happy. If I can keep everything the way it is until I have to go, if I leave on time, if everything falls into place and I'm set to go where I should be.
Things worked out after all. I'm happy. How strange.